Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming One Of The New Yorkers

Is New York one of your most dreamed destinations? Do you visualize yourself of becoming one of the New Yorkers? Have you ever considered living in the city? Well, I have to mind you. The place can be both good for an opportunity and a nightmare for others to live in. But either way, you will still learn a lot about the area and how the people contribute to it. The place can give you a lot of memories and a lot of anxiety and depression as well. Like me, there are things I wish I knew before living in New York City.

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The Nightlife Distractions Are Unbelievable

For the entirety of my NYC experience, I realized that almost 80% of the people love going out. It is something that anyone can quickly discover once they happen to live in the place even for a short period. There are hundreds of bars and clubs that seem to become part of the people’s visiting routine. There are free events and happy hours that is entirely overwhelming, and it causes a distraction. There’s too much partying that somehow influences an individual to forget his reason for moving in the city.

Rents Are Incredibly Insane

You’re lucky to spend $2,000 a month in a two-bedroom apartment in New York. But if you try and search for options, you can have a double or even triple the price for the same space. That’s ridiculously shocking and inconvenient. But, you wouldn’t have much choice unless you spend a couple of days, weeks, and months looking for the one that suits your budget. Moving in the city is extremely expensive, and sometimes rent can go up in an incredible amount every single year. I’d say you’d have to learn how to negotiate better.

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There’s Consistency On The Busy Streets

New York is the place of opportunities; that’s why the people in it never stop working. Perhaps that’s because the life out there seems pretty hectic. The ten block radius surrounding your apartment in NYC contains everything you need. There are restaurants and bars in a few blocks. You can also quickly get what you need from the convenience store right up in the corner as well. There are tons of establishments around the corner that cater to all your needs.

There’s Very Little Privacy

Living in New York means you have to accept the fact that you will have a minimal amount of privacy. That’s because all the apartments in the city are stacked up to each other. Therefore, you’re going to hear your neighbors, and there are always a lot of people that walk all hours. It’s not often a bad thing, and some individuals aren’t going to like that, but might. As for my experience, there are people I met who jumped into a conversation with me and my friend. At first, I didn’t like it. But the consistency of the scenario somehow made me accept it that way.

Relationships Are Hard To Maintain

The reason why it seems difficult to maintain a relationship with people in NYC is they tend to live in the place for a short period. Usually, they stay in the city due to a job, an internship, school, and even to change their usual pace. Well, I’m not saying that it’s difficult to make friends. However, I can count the number of people I have kept in a relationship within the place. So even if there are thousands of individuals that I meet every single day, only a few of them stays part of my life.

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People Don’t Care At All

Believe it or not, NYC triggers anxiety or depression or whatever it is that you have mentally. That’s because the full and busy place can become too silent at some point. People don’t care about everything you do because they only want to focus on minding their business. For me, it is something I see as an uncomfortable thing about New York. Individuals are too adamant to see others as part of their lives. I’d say it’s the saddest thing about the place.

Though these things on the list might seem to be undesirable, I’ll still consider living in NYC. I have to explore the city more and expand my horizon, so there’s not much reason to leave.

6 Signs That You Need To Seek Family Counseling

Let’s face it: all kinds of relationships are rollercoaster rides. They have ups and downs. People in a romantic relationship are not the only ones who experience this. Families also go through this too. Even the most loving and happiest family in the world will face moments of tension which can grow into something serious if left unresolved.

While some families can resolve these conflicts on their own, there are some which require professional interventions. Deciding whether your family should seek family counseling is a serious matter. It requires input from all of the family members. So, what are the signs that you need to undergo family counseling? Let us explore some of them.

Your Family Members Display Extreme Negative Emotions

Do you feel that some of the members of the family display extreme sadness, excessive anger, depression symptoms, constant fear, and other negative emotions? If yes, this might be due to the anxiety he or she feels when other family members are around. Take note that Aarti Gupta, PsyD, says “Negative stress, or ‘distress,’ is more chronic, hinders optimal functioning, and can be detrimental to your health.”

Your Family Has The Same Arguments Every Single Time

Do you have that feeling of déjà vu because your family arguments keep on repeating and repeating every time? It means that you cannot come up with the best solution to resolve all of your issues. If you can’t manage all of these arguments properly, this will only result in endless disagreements where you will blame each other and fight to your heart’s content. Believe it or not, no kind of resolution will happen.

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If you are experiencing this, Anita Chlipala, author of “First Comes Us: The Busy Couple’s Guide To Lasting Love” and a professional licensed family and marriage therapist, recommends seeking counseling to break away from the toxicity. According to Trudi Griffin, LPC, “Family counseling can work with the whole group or only with willing family members. If you’re interested in this kind of therapy, talk to your loved ones about attending.”

“You have the same arguments over and over again, and a family therapist can teach you to identify which issues are situational and perpetual. For the latter, those are the arguments that are recurring and need to be managed, not solved. We have tools for that,” Chlipala advises.

Your Family Members Do Not Hangout Together Anymore

Remember the weekly game nights and daily dinner sessions? If you cannot remember when your family last did this, then some of the members of the family might be starting to withdraw from the family life. This kind of seclusion might contribute to more fights and misunderstandings since you do not allocate time to resolving family issues.

Your Family Members Blame Everything On Each Other

One sign that your family relationship has gone downhill is when you see that a family member can easily blame another member with the things that have gone wrong. This passing of blame can happen in any issues—may it be as small as the refrigerator breaking down up to a complicated problem such as financial issues.

Dr. Fran Walfish, the author of “The Self-Aware Parent” and a famous relationship and family psychotherapist, says making every member of the family accountable for their words and actions can help solve these conflicts.

“The first and most important thing a person learns by talking to a stranger, counselor, therapist, or clergyman is self-awareness and accountability. Hearing your voice verbalize problems and issues forces one to acknowledge their shortcomings much better than hearing it from someone else,” Dr. Walfish says.

The Children Are Showing Significant Changes In Behavior Both In School And At Home

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Observing the behavior of children can be a definite sign on whether your family needs any intervention. If there are significant negative changes in their actions in both their schools and home, this is a red flag indicating something is happening wrong. Here are some of the questions you can ask yourself:

  • Are the child’s grades dropping significantly?
  • Are they showing any disruptive behavior in school—may it be towards their teachers or their friends?
  • Do they lack motivation in going to their classes which results in attendance problems?
  • Are they starting to show any rebellion at home?
  • Are they associating themselves with the wrong group of friends?
  • Are you suspecting substance abuse?

If most of your answers in these questions are “yes,” then maybe it is best if you start talking to your family for possible family counseling sessions.

Your Family Experienced A Traumatic Experience

Whenever families suffer from a traumatic experience—may it be a death of a family member, a discovered affair, or a divorce or a separation—this is the time they usually face complications in the family. It is because emotions are high from the hardship of coping with this trauma.

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If you feel that your family is showing some of these signs, make sure to bring up the possibility of seeking professional help. Engaging in family counseling is not a sign of defeat. Rather, it is an important step in fixing the relationship of the whole family. Remember, though, that everyone should be on board with the decision first for it be effective.

What To Tell Yourself If Depression Strikes Post-Breakup

Breaking up with someone because you both fell out of love is practically a walk in the park. The final conversation you have as a couple is merely for formality’s sake. You don’t need anything for each other anymore; that’s why words like “I wish you well” or “I hope you’ll find happiness” sound sincere. According to Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, LMFT, BCC, “When you’re heartbroken, you walk around with a burning hole in your heart and a head full of obsessions.”

If you decide to split with your significant other since you realized that it’s only you who’s in love, though, that is when you tend to exhibit signs of depression. You always feel sad whenever you remember how poorly he or she treated you. At times, tears flow down your cheeks as you think of the things you did to please him or her. It’s not surprising if you wonder at this point too whether you’ll still be able to find someone who will care for you as much as you do.

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How Counseling Can Improve Your Health

Some say that your thoughts are your reality, and whatever you regularly fill your head with is the future. Having said this, we need to be careful with what we continually think. We can either choose positivity or the opposite, and both have a different end. Would you want things to end badly?

 

Words of people around us can influence how we feel. There was a woman who continuously complains about feeling sick. She always feared she had a severe medical condition that’s why she was gloomy and grumpy. She would yell at the kids passing by her home. She thought they were picking her flowers. Eventually, after eight years, she developed cancer, and the doctor said she had been sick for about three years. That means the other five years of thinking she was ill actually made her ill.

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Can Exercise Improve Your Mental Health?

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Despite having a hectic schedule at work or even in your personal life, the first thing that you always need to prioritize is engaging in regular physical activities. It is highly recommended to allow a particular portion of your daily or weekly time in doing routine physical activities. This can be challenging at first, but everything will run smoothly once you get used to it. As the saying goes, “practice makes perfect.” Continue reading Can Exercise Improve Your Mental Health?

How To Achieve a Happier You

“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your actions.”
― Dalai Lama XIV

 

The ultimate goal in this life is to acquire genuine happiness. According to Dr. Jennifer Hartstein, PSyD, Unfortunately, this is something that you need to work for. Happiness is not readily available whenever you want to get it. Unfortunately, you need to work hard to achieve a happier version of yourself.

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It is important to note that happiness is a relative concept, which means that its essence may vary from one person to another. What may be delightful for one individual may not be enjoyable to another. This is the reason why you need to know what makes you happy. Knowing all these things will help you work hard towards achieving the genuine happiness that you deserve. Take note that happiness is also a state of mind.

Below is a list of things that you can do to achieve the ultimate goal of finding real happiness.

1. Learn How To Think Things Through

Before you say or do anything, make sure that you have processed your thoughts correctly. Do not rush into doing all the things that you want to accomplish on a particular day. Try to relax your mind as you go through all the tasks at work or obligations at home. By trying to slow down, you give yourself a chance to think thoroughly. As a result, you will be able to come up with better decisions, words or actions. Once you become a master of your thoughts, it will make you feel that you are in control. In the long run, this will make you feel comfortable with everything you say and do. Nicole Sartini-Cprek, LPCC says “Remember you are not responsible for everyone’s emotions, just your own. And you DO have authority over those.”

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2. Do Not Let Others Bring You Down

Sometimes, some people bring negative vibes into your life. These are the same persons that you need to avoid as soon as possible. The more you stay with these individuals, the more you become one of them. Never let other people dim your light. Whenever you hear negative comments coming from the people who do not matter, just ignore them. Do not let unsolicited remarks bring you down. Always keep in mind that it is better to have lesser real friends than being surrounded by people whom you could not trust. Learn to let go of negative people so that you may start to attract more positive vibes in your life.

 

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3. Prioritize Yourself All The Time

It is not selfish to think of yourself first before doing a particular act. John Duffy, PsYD said “Taking better care of your body boosts your well-being fairly fast.” Do not try so hard in pleasing other people to the point that you forget about yourself. Otherwise, this will only make you feel bad in the end. The best thing to do is to remind yourself every single thing that you deserve to achieve ultimate happiness. To make this happen, you need to put other people’s interest in you. They will understand whenever you need to take some time off to take good care of yourself. The individuals who care about your welfare will appreciate it if you make yourself a top priority all the time. “Exercise is key; speak to your primary care physician to see what kind of physical activity is right for you,” says Amanda Zayde, PsyD.

How To Find The Best Therapist For Depression

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Some people aren’t as fortunate as others with finding the best therapist that can help them with treating depression. Once you have been diagnosed with depression and need to seek help, then finding the best therapist should be at the top of your list. A depression chat room can be a good way to start with seeking depression therapy, but if you need to speak with an expert, you might decide to pay for online therapy services or finding a local therapist in your area.

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How To Deal With The Death Of A Loved One

 

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Losing a loved one is very difficult, even for people who are emotionally strong. Grief might seem as though it is impossible to heal from and overcome. However, it is possible. Grief involves a whole lot of different feelings such as feeling empty, confusion, shock, frustration, and sometimes severe depression. Something that can help with these troubling feelings and experiences is counseling.

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Ways To Lower Down Your Anxiety Level

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Gary Gilles, LCPC says “Just hearing the word anxiety is almost enough to make you start worrying about something. But, the truth is, everyone experiences some degree of anxiety.”

With the amount of external noise, expectations, numerous failures and endless possibilities, it is extremely difficult to be still and calm. Oftentimes, individuals function in default mode or auto pilot state. At times, we find ourselves experiencing anxiety without any valid reason. Many of us experience a constant state of alertness with that eerie feeling of danger or that something bad will happen. Technically, anxiety is defined as feeling nervous, a state of worry or unease usually about an imminent event or occurrence without uncertain result.

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