Marriage counseling is the way to go when you cannot resolve your trivialities with your spouse. However, what may be so awful about it that some couples end up splitting without meeting a counselor?
One of the highly probable reasons is that the married folks are afraid of the truths that will come out of the treatment. A fantastic therapist, after all, believes that healing starts once you find and deal with the root of the issues. Hence, he or she will inevitably try to turn every stone – even the deep-seated ones – for the sake of helping both individuals recover from the situation.
Now, of course, not all marriages survive that kind of procedure. The union may already be on the rocks, to begin with, and the counselor is only there to assist them in realizing that it is better to part ways peacefully. Nonetheless, you can always hope for the opposite. According to Lori Weisman, MA, LMHC, “Marriage counseling intensive can bring you back together.”
Below are the telltale signs that your marriage will survive after seeing a counselor.
- You Admit Your Faults
A person who enters the counseling office with a frown but comes out in a much lighter mood is someone who most likely opened up about their mistakes to their better half and the therapist. It takes great humility to do that because it can be challenging to admit even to yourself that you are wrong. However, the fact that you acknowledged your misgivings, and vice versa, entails that there may still be a chance to preserve your union.
- You Are Calm
Angry people cannot ever find peace since their ability to handle logic gets clouded by intense negative emotion. Instead of hearing out the spouse’s side of the story, they will try to cut them off more than once and divert the counselor’s attention to them. Hence, the session yields zero progress. According to Mindy Newman , MA, MTS, LMHC, “Staying calm comes from healing our own anger. This is because as long as we’re meeting the world’s rage with our own rage, more rage is guaranteed.”
For your marriage to endure the therapy, you have to maintain your sensibility. There may be moments while listening wherein you want to give snide remarks, yet you should try to contain yourself until the other party finishes speaking. That may allow you to gain new information as to why your partner did this and that, as well as understand whether there is still hope for your marriage or not.
- Your Priority Is The Family
Visiting a counselor with one primary goal – to restore your family – is the most mature thing you can do. You are both aware that if you do not make an effort to resolve your problems, you know that there will be precious kids who may have to have two Christmases, birthdays, New Years, et cetera afterward. Thus, you might not struggle too much to follow the therapist’s suggestions on how to improve your relationship as a couple. Also, do not forget that having arguments within the family is only normal. According to Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW, “Differences are what keeps the relationship interesting.”
- You Start Having Sex Again
When you hate your significant other’s gut, there is no way your libido will fire up when he or she is near. To some extent, you may even find standing close to this person revolting.
However, once you consummate your marriage again, things may be looking brighter than ever for the two of you. You get to reconnect at an intimate level, which allows you to stop bickering and genuinely talk about what went wrong. Then, healing and reconciliation may finally begin.
In case you notice all the signs above between you and your spouse, your marriage may indeed survive after meeting a counselor.